keeping the drama to a minimum, as per usual

It's only Tuesday.

I have spilled water on my Macbook, successfully resurrected said Macbook (with a towel, blow dryer, and rice), cracked a forgotten password, spoken with Apple, lost my Airport configurations (so I have to use ethernet, not wireless), and lost all my shortcut key memory (I don't even know how to create the @ sign anymore) and Shift use. Called Apple again: this time phone advice costs $49 since my Apple Care expired. They recommend I look at the Support pages of the website. Yes, I have done this, but am unfortunately practically illiterate when it comes to understanding these things.

This morning my car broke down on the way to work, and, after putting in oil (which I did exactly 9 days ago--my car burns through oil like it's being paid to) and waiting and then turning the engine over, a nice trucker stopped and helped go through several possible problems: working spark plugs, fuses, oil, fuel in tank, starter fluid but engine not revving. A censor that shut down the fuel as a precaution? He then generously towed me to town (which was one of the most nerve-wracking experiences ever, going down hills in a car I couldn't control mere feet behind a huge truck). Orville. Lives at the other end of my dirt road I guess. I owe that guy some major baked goods.

I was an hour and a half late to work; my car is in the shop; the mechanic hasn't called; and I am walking around town like a bag lady carrying all my belongings for various activities today.

Now I have to work out, go to math (a friend is tutoring me for the GRE), and attend a local City Council meeting tonight for the newspaper, but, not knowing if the Toyota will be working, or for how many bones, most things are on hold.

On top of these things, a certain essential person is currently (and righteously) not exactly elated by my attitude. The least meaningful, but most pressing, consequence of this is not really being on terms on which I could ask said person about said Macbook (given that said person is much more tech-savvy than me). So I am also feeling a tiny bit despondent (and not really about the Macbook, to clarify). In fact I'm pretty sure you could have photographed me at a department store yesterday staring blankly at displays of shoes while my sister tried on flats with a look somewhat close to dispair on my face (and to think, that was before all the mishaps!)

There was never a better time to face my own elitism, I suppose.

The first snow!

Woke up to three or four inches this morning
(now we know Sister Winter is on her way).

And in other news:
Aung San Suu Kyi was released today from house arrest.

Pray for Burma.

East Coker in autumn

The hollyhock is holding on, though we're reaching mid-November
the laughter in the garden, echoed ecstasy
I've been meaning to plant those poppies,
but only seem to be losing any tolerance for cold I might have had.

(All the best, I suppose, with the impending migration south.)

We pick up the pieces of these things, she reminds me
heartbreak, she means, and living through fire
not lost, but requiring, pointing to the agony
of death and birth
(we've been picking them up all our lives)

I said to my soul, be still, and let the dark come upon you
which shall be the darkness of G-d

Now looking you in the hazel eye
and we know that the hills and trees... are all being rolled away
the question is not one of protection,
but humility
the only wisdom we can hope to acquire
an unending exercise in trust.

time-telling by the changing slants of daylight

We wore the thickest gloves we had,
lacing up the warmest boots.
You were reaching for my smaller hand
while the season blew in too soon.
They say you're never ready,
this we've heard a thousand times
Still, I took my hand away.

Walking past the streetlamp, the light quietly snuffed dark
and I wondered where your bones were mined from
what mountain cast your heart.

In November, I'll take cloudlight
and craft you a broken song
and the golden, wind-stained leaves
will rest on dirty collar bones.

Earlier sojourning: my remains apart from you
Even tamaracks and maples leave me wanting.

bright eyes / poison oak

Poison oak, some boyhood bravery
When the telephone was a tin can on a string
And I fell asleep with you still talking to me
You said you weren't afraid to die
In polaroids you were dressed in women's clothes
Were you made ashamed, why'd you lock them in a drawer?
Well, I don't think that I ever loved you more

Than when you turned away, when you slammed the door
When you stole the car and drove towards Mexico
And you wrote bad checks just to fill your arm
I was young enough, I still believed in war

Well let the poets cry themselves to sleep
And all their tearful words will turn back into steam

But me, I'm a single cell on the serpent's tongue
There's a muddy field where a garden was
And I'm glad you got away but I'm still stuck out here
My clothes are soaking wet from your brother's tears

And I never thought this life was possible
You're the yellow bird that I've been waiting for

The end of paralysis, I was a statuette
Now I'm drunk as hell on a piano bench
And when I press the keys it all gets reversed
(The sound of loneliness makes me happier)

Happy Equinox!

We've come to Mabon again, the first day of fall, with about 12 hours of daylight and 12 hours of darkness. Do something to mourn the passing of summer and celebrate the new season, re-balancing, and harvest. I've been baking morning glory muffins and running in the last warm September rays.

So I took her by the arm, we settled down upon a farm,
and raised our children up as gently as you please

new favorite: the civil wars

You only know what I want you to
I know everything you don't want me to
Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine
Oh you think your dreams are the same as mine

Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
I always will

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back
The less I give the more I get back
Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise
I don't have a choice but I still choose you

Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
I always will.

listen here.