12.27.12 [the Mountain-Climber proposes]

Is not impermanence the very fragrance of our days? 

-Rilke

The hunger in my right hand for my pen has eased by now, and the blank pages of my newest journal perturb me a little less.  I have grown adjusted to the fleeting days and accustomed to ignoring my longing to record all pieces of beauty and heartbreak and detail, given over to the scarcity of opportunities to write this fall and winter.  

Do not fear, Little One, your hand will again drink from the inkwell in its time and season.

But how could I not inscribe this day, when the Winemaker asked for me?  These are the things I will remember from the sunset that changed my life:

• the almost-full moon rising as we drove back in starlight
• and that beautiful expanse, the vista east and north and west he led me to, the sweeping Methow Valley edging toward Loup Loup, the Pasayten, the Cascades and the Okanogan.  

• laughing uncontrollably as I began to discern the immediacy of the coming request.  My love also laughing, terribly nervous.  Turning me as we calmed to face the sunlight on the mountains.

• his arms encircling me as he recalled the dream I had after we met but before we ever spent time together, the scene of us running through tall fields of sunflowers, planted ten and twelve feet high along narrow trails.  Our visit to Elbow Coulee in May, when he first took me home, to participate in the mountain race Sunflower Relay.  (I met you in a dream, my Love,  and I woke with the knowledge that my husband would come to me).
• And then I could no longer feel his arms around me, and I could not turn around to see him on his knees; I was weeping before I even faced him.  I want to run with you, he told me, as long as I walk this earth.

Yes, the Lord has been so good to me.

merry christmas

to free all those who trust in him

O Christ who comes among us

He Qi / Nativity

Peace on earth and mercy mild

God and sinners reconciled

No more let sin and sorrow grow

nor thorns infest the ground

He comes to make his blessings flow

far as the curse is found

More from the Blue Ridge

''Also they had hot chocolate,'' fifth grade Julio writes as the fourth box in his story flow-chart, mapping the plot of The Polar Express.

Teaching is trying to help kids understand story-sequence, yes, and picking out what is important, but it is also first grade playground mediation and addressing the constant complaints of, ''Teacher, he cutted.''

It is playing Hide and Seek with kindergartners at recess, which really just means I chase them around while they scream with pleasure, and doing ''work-outs'' with second grade girls--jumping jacks, high knees, lunges.

It is covering a smile when little gangsta Sirgio tells me he has the ''chicken pops,'' rolling up a baggy sleeve on his skinny arm to show me the little bumps.

It is trying to figure out what to say when later we are reading a story and Sirgio looks at the picture of the reindeer and wants to know, ''Is that reindeer Chinese?'' He is laughing because he thinks this is funny, the reindeer's eyes narrowed in sleep. This is the little guy in Timberland boots who I often hear say things like, ''Girl, I'm Mexican,'' and, ''I'm half-Indian.'' He is six.

How do you talk about race with six-year olds? How do you teach appropriate playground mediation? How do you address poverty and resources when A. and F.'s parents donate Christmas ornaments and pencils and candy to all their first-grade peers for the Christmas party, and A. and F. are thanked in front of the class by the teacher? Or when some kids' parents come to the holiday concert, while other kids are left to perform alone? Do six-year-olds notice things like this? They are so much more astute than you'd think.

Oh for wisdom! And blessings to those little ones these two weeks we don't see them. They are so precious.

Costa Rica: Pura Vida

far away from the pura vida tropics
back in a pine-smelling village,
four feet of melting snow poured out by the god of the sky

and we are getting so old now, honey
in fact, it can be hard to write about, sometimes

remember the mountain bed

Hello: San Francisco.
Goodbye: winter solstice, snowshoeing, skiing, snowflake walks, icy roads, & hot beverages shared with friends.

Hello again, World Wide Web. Your So-Cal surfer, Canadian hippie, and newly anointed urban gypsy is back, crossing her fingers and clenching her fists in preparation to "suffocate, boil, and bloom" in a most beloved city.

"I crossed many states just to stand here now, my face all hot with tears,
I crossed city, and valley, desert, and stream, to bring my body here:
My history and future blaze bright in me and all my joy and pain
Go through my head on our mountain bed where I smell your hair again."
Woody Guthrie (Billy Bragg & Wilco)

i don't lie when i say i [can] love [crave?] anonymity.

and so, while i love this tiny town, sometimes, it's too much.

get in the christmas spirit, you

Over satsumas and Sufjan, with some trepidation, I make my announcement:
Next semester, I'll be studying in San Francisco.

Ok, the worst is over.

The weather has been so strange lately- 38 degrees last night! But today in the 70s, with higher local swell than I've ever seen- higher than it's been for 2 years, apparently. There were about 20 surfers at East Beach, next to the pier.

I'm going to miss this stretch of the Pacific--this surfing, skating, avocado-eating, classic California culture that I both mock and share in--that has pursued me all of my life. Oh So-Cal, I came to find something, and you offered all you had. And now you are as fully in me as my Washington, now after every Christmas and summer spent with you, now after these 18 months.

On to the next adventure. I've never even been to San Fran, you know. I come from the wilderness, for goodness sake! Mountains and islands through and through!

I am afraid of this next part of the journey, but just a little. Feeling a little bit brave. And trying to soak up every last moment with my beautiful friends in the Barb.

feliz cumpleaños, mi hermana

My sister Caitlin (Caity) turns 9 today. Happy birthday to 1000 miles North! 10 days and I'll be there.