I have a confession.

I think I have an addictive personality.

Tonight, in the cafeteria, there was candy out everywhere for Halloween. In rapid succession, I ate 4 mini-m&m packs and then felt a little sick. As I was leaving, I laughed to my friends that I am trying to quit my addictions and threw the candy stashed in my pockets back onto the table.

But it's really true- I rarely buy candy or keep it, but if it's available to me, I can't stop.

It's the same with other things too- I get addicted to working out, for example, or routinely doing things... things as omens, or in a specific order...

All of this to say, sometimes this stuff freaks me out- when I feel terrible if I don't work out for the right amount of time, for example, or eat like 500 pieces of candy in a row- because there is so much alcoholism and some drug addiction in my family. I want to be careful with these things... especially because so many of my Northern friends have been to rehab (and often, back again).

I heard this interview with Donald Miller last winter- it was about learning to live in withdrawal. He said we should always live in withdrawal in some form or another so that we learn not to idolize things- not to love them more than we love the One. He said all of this so tenderly; it was quite profound. I think living in withdrawal is quite contrary to our Western mindset (the same with fasting, it seems). For anyone interested, the interview can be found on the 2/23/07 and 3/2/07 Relevant podcast.

So I think I am going to eat no more candy for one month. December 1st (heh, that's just in time for Christmas:) ). Posting it here makes it more of a commitment, I think.

Yeshua, I don't want to need things more than you. Even ridiculous things.