to talk of things deemed secret & unmentionable

blue & engorged veins
stomach bloated, bagged, and tubed
and i am queasy,
i can't look, can't smell these smells, can't be here
force myself to look only at the eyes

and you sir, when you speak to me of your 15-day sobriety
of your 80-year-old heart, when you are only 43
of your pcp and heroin habits
your vivid dreams of shooting up
your waking anger of finding empty hands, clear veins
your dad who died in your arms

you talk with self-protective detachment
i'm taken aback
please don't list the hugest things in your life for me
please don't be so casual
it's difficult to stomach.