because it´s not always about what you want (or what you think you want)

´Experience, like a pale musician holds
a dulcimer of patience in his hand;
whence harmonies we cannot understand,
of God´s will in his worlds, the strain unfolds
in sad, perplexed minors.´
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning

´Blessed are those whom G-d corrects;
so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.
For he wounds, but he also binds up;
he injures, but his hands also heal.´
-Job 5

j.m.m.

Come closer, closer to me
Find me broken, find me bleeding
´cause I need more now than a fairy tale,
a god who lives in a book
I need someone real.

Come closer, closer to me.
Find me broken, find me on my knees,
cause I need more now than philosophy
Some god in outer space doesn't mean anything to me

So would you come?
Would you come?
If I begged you, would you come closer to me now?

on identifying with Elizabeth Gaskell´s Margaret from North and South (only not being nearly as elegant or strong)

Sometimes the tears come at the most awkward and inappropriate times
like yesterday, trying to get a grip in front of my students
What is wrong, Miss? Why are you crying?
But I promise you, if you could see everything inside me
these many days and years
you´d understand.

recollections of a former life

recurring dreams of him could not save me
though be assured of my restless sleep these long days
of a soul in trepidation

though i still don´t know the way
my legs are tired from so long walking
east and west, north and south, in search of you

and of this road called Dolores , my weary heart aches from following
the very road, it is written, that leads to hope
hope, living in another country
apart from me

so i´ll pack my canvas bags again, and board the pickup unafraid
believing goodbyes are stronger, and i am strong
(though he wrote me to quit leaving)

who on earth could argue the richness of my life?
the fire blossoms on the trees crowding all the corners
the calligraphy of many lands and languages tattooing my brown skin
and a thousand steps on city streets and dusty roads weak with history

is it possible to have peace without longing?
it seems you must embrace both,
or else have neither.

and i don´t want to long for him, or for you,
i don´t want to feel empty
but even more, i want peace.

sing all you want

It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the Maker's hand

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

“If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?”

-Alexander Solzhenitsyn

´´We are the trees whom shaking fastens more.´´
-George Herbert